I feel you, brother. I've been there. One thing I wonder: how much of you taking it hard that your sermon didn't go the way you wanted is because you feel responsible for shepherding people's spiritual lives? I ask this because, like everyone, I get knocked off my game sometimes. But if I'm off-game at church, it bothers me way more. Last year, I finally pondered why this was. And while it's complicated, I came to realize that probably the biggest reason it bothered me was that, whether I'm doing a sermon, saying a prayer, singing a song, or leading a meditation, I felt like I was entrusted with people's spiritual lives for that space of time. So when I perceived I didn't deliver a message the way I wanted, it hit me hard. Then I realized that a) I'm not actually responsible for people's spiritual lives. I can play a role there, but only a small one; and, b) Even when I felt I didn't deliver the message I wanted, somehow it always seemed to come through anyway (thank you, God!). Now, I know your funk started pre-sermon, so this isn't about the "performance" on Sunday. But I do wonder if your funk is fed by how seriously you take your gift and your role in people's lives.
Yeah, those are great insights! I think a lot of my anxiety comes from that need to "perform."
Part of my trouble also comes from not being able to find the existential urgency in the sermon. That's usually when the whole idea begins to flow for me--when I sense the necessity of the message. If I don't feel that, it's hard to be convinced that it's needed.
I feel you, brother. I've been there. One thing I wonder: how much of you taking it hard that your sermon didn't go the way you wanted is because you feel responsible for shepherding people's spiritual lives? I ask this because, like everyone, I get knocked off my game sometimes. But if I'm off-game at church, it bothers me way more. Last year, I finally pondered why this was. And while it's complicated, I came to realize that probably the biggest reason it bothered me was that, whether I'm doing a sermon, saying a prayer, singing a song, or leading a meditation, I felt like I was entrusted with people's spiritual lives for that space of time. So when I perceived I didn't deliver a message the way I wanted, it hit me hard. Then I realized that a) I'm not actually responsible for people's spiritual lives. I can play a role there, but only a small one; and, b) Even when I felt I didn't deliver the message I wanted, somehow it always seemed to come through anyway (thank you, God!). Now, I know your funk started pre-sermon, so this isn't about the "performance" on Sunday. But I do wonder if your funk is fed by how seriously you take your gift and your role in people's lives.
Yeah, those are great insights! I think a lot of my anxiety comes from that need to "perform."
Part of my trouble also comes from not being able to find the existential urgency in the sermon. That's usually when the whole idea begins to flow for me--when I sense the necessity of the message. If I don't feel that, it's hard to be convinced that it's needed.
Solidarity brother. And solvitur ambulando!