The Other Day I Felt Like I Couldn't Do Anything

Some thoughts on whatever that was

I wrote this post last week and never published it.

Two weeks ago it was not my week to preach. My friend, brother, and co-laborer Gary was scheduled to speak that week, something he does about once a month. But there was a problem: he had kidney stones. At first he was still planning on preaching as usual, which meant I would write my normal post for that week, but next he wasn't; able to preach.

I canceled my plans.

Instead, I started reading through the following week’s lectionary readings only to find that I was not struck by any stroke of brilliance, nifty insight, or point that pulled me towards it.

As I’ve written about before, I couldn’t see the existential urgency of the points I was drawing from the passage at first.

But I had a lucky break. Gary passed the stones on Friday, a day after we had planned to switch, so we swapped back.

I had an extra week to write that sermon.

So I sat, and I read, and I read commentaries, and I looked at the background, and I went on a hike, and I prayed, and I wrote and rewrote a sermon.

But something was just off.

Come Sunday.

The slides messed up for some of the songs so I had to redo them last minute. There was a funky smell of dead rat and musk in the fellowship hall.

I had planned on using Logos Bible software on my iPad from 2018 because I finally for the reverse interlinear for the NRSVue, something I’ve been waiting on since October of last yer.

But the app crashed then said I didn’t have enough storage to install the app (I did have enough according to the settings).

Then the handouts for that week got mixed up as they were being passed around. I had to use the Bible app on my phone and this literal translation I use to bring out different translations for the class.

Things went downhill from there.

I still didn’t feel my sermon, even while I was preaching it.

I thought it was true, and I thought it was good, but I was having an off day.

I had the wrong psalm down in my slideshow, and I could’t find which psalm it was supposed to be. This cut out about five minutes of my sermon.

After the sermon was over, I went to my seat to retrieve my phone to find the psalm to read following the closing song. I got my phone, went back to the front, but the Face ID failed and my passcode wouldn’t work.

Did it get reset?

Not, it was Laura’s phone.

Ugh.

I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day, I don’t really know why or what triggered it. Why did I have such a problem preaching through that passage? What was the hold up? Why did I feel off the Sunday?

I’m not sure what it was, but I have felt that way before, and I didn't like it then, and I don’t like it now.

So, Sunday night I decided to make some changes. I started doing body weight exercises which I will try to do three times a week. I also plan on closing my fitness rings on my iPhone every day. This means taking ~10,000 steps a day (600cal), exercising for 30 minutes, and standing at least once an hour for a minute for twelve hours every day.

Today I ran for the first time in months, something I actually love to do. I also started listening to North by Scot Jurek.

And honestly, I’m feeling better already, and, yes, I’m feeling this next sermon.

So I don’t know how much, if any, any of this has helped to get me out of my funk, but here I am, and I feel pretty good so far.