Compartmentalization and Scarcity

some thoughts on how much there is to go around

Who even am I?
Compartmentalization
Let’s meet all of me.

I wrote the above haiku and the following journal entry in my notebook the other day.

I’m opening up more in places that usually don’t allow for such things.
Integration means inviting places to make room for you for a change.
The world is big enough for all of us to lead integrated lives.
Compartmentalization and the illusion of scarcity go hand in hand,
and they are bad news.
All of you is welcome here,
and all means all.

We’re going to do the thing that we do together where I write a little commentary on my journey entry. This one was written on May 15th at McDonalds while my kids played in the indoor playground. Very zen. Much contemplative.

Ellie Shay on top of things

The Places That Don’t Allow Such Things

I’m opening up more in places that usually don’t allow for such things.

There are different me’s.

Laura calls me a chameleon.

I can walk up to a group of people, discern their interests, and talk about them all day as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. I size up their humor and their demeanor and just run with it.

It typically works out.

It makes me really at good at making lots of friends but not very good at making close friends, best friends.

One thing I’ve been working on lately is really trying to be me everywhere.

For example, I have this weird reservation about sharing my stuff on social media. Besides the occasional picture or short video, I shy away from sharing my music, poetry, and writings there, but lately I’ve tried to do better at that. My friend Tamara told me to cut that out and share away, so I really am working on it. Although I haven’t shared any links to my work with that particular group as a group yet. Maybe I’ll get the courage soon.

Part of the reason I shy away from sharing on social media is because I hate dealing with controversial comments. I don’t mind having a conversation in person or on the phone about points of disagreement, but I really don’t want to go back and forth on Facebook about the interpretation of some passage that someone posts to discredit all I’ve done, but since I also have this thing that makes me feel like I have to engage, I also feel compelled to do so, so I just end up not posting to avoid the whole thing.

Another example of this is that I’m involved in a few different spheres of Christianity. There’s the eschatology sphere, the Discovering Renewal sphere, the deconstructing Church of Christ sphere, the local church as a minister sphere, and now the St Stephen’s sphere, and I’m kinda tired of keeping them all separated.

The insider language, the expectations, the versions of myself.

It’s exhausting and unnecessary.

Integration means inviting places to make room for you for a change.

So instead of being a chameleon, I want to just be me and invite the spaces to make room for me. Instead of cloning and tweaking Daniel ever so slightly for every new situation, I just want to be me.

As I wrote over the last couple of posts, this can challenge the prevailing social imaginary of some spaces, which can cause some problems.

The Problem of Scarcity

The world is big enough for all of us to lead integrated lives.

This is the part that trips a lot of people up. In The Office, Phyllis explained that since both her and Dwight had big personalities, things could get quite explosive. In unhealthy relationships, this can for sure be the case, but it doesn’t have to be.

I believe that God created you to fit into the world perfectly as you. In fact, we all need you to be you. The masked self, the false self, the compartmentalized self robs the rooms into which you walk of the joy that is you (thanks for that one, Matthew).

What we’ve been trained to think, though, is that the best version of ourself is the self that is quiet, unimposing, and doesn't speak unless spoken to—the self that blends in well.

As an adult, I learned through therapy that I have ADHD, which is interesting because my family thought that ADHD was code for “not enough spankings.” People who are neurodivergent might struggle with integration because the part of them that makes them unique is stifled through medication or coping mechanisms or the pressure to adhere to social norms. Obviously, the medication and coping mechanisms can be needed and can be healthy. It’s the last part I really have a problem with.

Thankfully, I’ve found a job that lets me have the flexibility I need, but not everyone has that luxury. If I get all my work done at Waffle House at 3am, so be it. If I can sit in an office chair for six hours, that works too. If I need to do a trail run or hike to finish the sermon, then I have that freedom.

We need to work towards a world where everyone is truly welcome as they are.

Compartmentalization and the illusion of scarcity go hand in hand,
and they are bad news.

This illusion of scarcity affects every area of our lives. We might not write something because someone already has written on that subject. As Rob Bell told me in a writing class, “Yes, but you haven’t.” We need your unique insight on this too. We might shy away from starting a business because who needs another hamburger joint? Well, that doesn’t stop fast food franchises from opening up year after year, so go for it if that’s your thing.

The truth is that there is more than enough to go around.

For example, God sent Phillip to an entire village in Samaria and to one person on a chariot. Philipp’s time on the chariot was just as important as his time in the village.

Nothing goes to waste in God’s economy.

I promise that there is enough room for you. If the spaces you are in have a problem with that, that is on them, not you.

For far too long we have been seduced into walking a path that did not lead us to ourselves. For far too long we have said yes when we wanted to say no. And for far too long we have said no when we desperately wanted to say yes. . . .When we don't listen to our intuition, we abandon our souls. And we abandon our souls because we are afraid if we don't, others will abandon us.

Terry Tempest Williams

All of You is Welcome Here

All of you is welcome here,
and all means all.

That part of you that does magic tricks is welcome here. That part of you that isn’t the best singer but loves to sing is welcome here. That part of you that dabbles in pencil sketches is welcome here. That part of you that needs to pace back and forth to really listen is welcome here. The part of you that can connect any conversation to four different songs and three different movies and sixteen different Bible passages is welcome here. The part of you that doesn’t know what to say is welcome here.

There is enough space, enough time, and enough love to go around.

There is no need to hide you who really are. There is no need to wear that mask.

If it makes you feel comfforbtale for now, that’s okay too; even that part of you is welcome here.

But Jesus often meets us where we are at so we can become as he is—all in all.

They say that Jesus is fully God and fully human.

Do you know why that confuses us? Because we have worked so hard to keep our different selves from meeting. Someone actually living a fully integrated life blows our minds.

In the next article, we’ll be doing a Bible study on Colossians 3 to see what Paul has to say about self-actualization and the image of God.