I’m not an expert at spirituality or the seasons of life. Many talented mystics, authors, poets, and prophets have shown up through the years to speak to the deepest truths of the human existence. They talk about seasons of order and disorder. They speak of deconstruction and reconstruction. They talk about new and old wineskins, emerging from the embers, and spiral dynamics.
But all of this reading, studying, and listening doesn’t do the actual experience of journeying through the Dark Night of the Soul justice.
According to The Westminster Dictionary of Theological Terms, the Dark Night of the Soul is “a term used in spiritual theology to indicate periods when the sense of God’s presence is absent. It is the name of a famous spiritual book written by St. John of the Cross (1542–91).”1
During this period, God’s presence seems absent and one does not appear to garner any joy from regular spiritual activities such as prayer, corporate worship, or reading Scripture. Instead of this being a sign that one is moving away from God, the Dark Night is seen as a necessary stop on one’s journey towards shedding the false self and moving towards spiritual maturity.
Just as spring follows the death of winter and resurrection follows the suffering of the cross, the Dark Night can begat new life. Understanding the role of the Dark Night of the Soul led St John of the Cross to write,
O night, that guided me!
O night, sweeter than sunrise!
O night, that joined lover with Beloved!
Lover transformed in Beloved!
Again, this is much easier said than done, but knowing that others have successfully embraced the Dark Night can make our experience somewhat easier because of the hope of transformation.
In my own experience, the Dark Night followed a period of excitement, joy, and wonder at newfound discoveries in my faith journey. When the dominos began to fall and the implications of what I had begun to see came to light, my world was plunged into darkness. As I said before, the usual things I found joy in, like writing, reading, and worship, lost their appeal.
These sacred moments didn’t lose their appeal forever, but the idea of experiencing them in the same way that I always had became an impossibility. Even though I do the same practices in form now, the new meaning they have taken on has brought life to them once more.
There are several Psalms that speak to the experience of feeling distant from God: Psalm 22, Psalm 88, and Psalm 89 are a few examples. But Psalm 13 says,
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all day long? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O LORD my God! Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death, and my enemy will say, “I have prevailed”; my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.
But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD because he has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13:1–6
Some Takeaways from Psalm 13
Don’t be afraid to question God. If God feels distant in your life, then express yourself. You aren’t doing anything wrong. Followers of God have been asking questions of the Divine since the beginning: Abraham, Moses, Job, David, Jesus, and Paul are just a few examples.
Name your pain. What exactly is going on? Have different aspects of worship become numb to you? Do you feel distant from it all. Even if it feels like God has forgotten you, try naming those things to God. You can do this through spoken prayer, silent meditation, talking things out with a friend, going on a walk, journaling, or whatever your preferred outlet is.
Trust in God’s love. You can’t force your way through the Dark Night just like you can’t turn the night to day. During the Dark Night, one writer said (I forget who), it is 3AM all day every day. But when you are in the Dark Night, recalling God’s love and perhaps the trajectory of Divine love across the ages will help you come to expect that even this season will work for the better. Several times in Scripture, Paul talked about his impatient expectation that God’s will will be done (Romans 8:19; Philippians 1:20; Galatians 5:5). You can trust in God’s love and be impatient at the same time.
Don’t turn back. Trusting in God’s love means having the courage to keep moving forward. Even if it seems like you might lose it all, if you trust in the Spirit’s leading then your heart will be able to rejoice again, and you will once more find yourself singing to God. But don’t turn back. If you try to go back to the way things were before, then I’m afraid you will become more and more dissatisfied with them. Paul often warned his readers to not go back to the weak and worthless things. He likened this to going back into slavery. You may not have happiness now, but there definitely isn’t any happiness back there.
The Dark Night of the Soul is a natural part of spiritual growth. You are not doing anything wrong. And you are not sinning against God. God welcomes your questions - seriously. If you don’t believe me, read the psalms I referenced above. The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to embrace it and try to see what lessons God might be using this time to teach you.
Crucifying yourself with Christ is not easy business. For those of us who were “raised in the church,” it may take longer than we like, but if we can be sure of anything it is that resurrection is on the other side of the cross. Even if you have a hard time believing that now, trusting that it is on the horizon may just be the only thing that will keep you afloat.
McKim, Donald K. The Westminster Dictionary of Theological Terms. Second Edition, Revised and Expanded. Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2014. Print.