There is So Much to Say

There is so much I want to say. There is so much I want to talk about. But is this a situation like in John 14-16 where there were things that Jesus wanted to tell his disciples but he couldn't tell them yet, or is it long past time? What does one do with this? If the thing you want to say is eating you alive, is it worth holding in - even if releasing it might hurt someone you love?

This is a tension that I've been wrestling with for awhile now, and I'm honestly not sure what to do with it.

"Woe to me if I do not proclaim the gospel!" (1 Corinthians 9:16).

But is this even the gospel? Is it even good news? Is it related to justice, mercy, and faith?

What is prudence? What is patience? What is tolerance? What is wisdom?

I don't currently know, and so I've done the only thing I'm bad at: not say anything at all.

Kidding, but it does seem like that sometimes.

But would it even be worth saying? Is ignoring it making it worse?

Simple things like whether or not we can worship with an instrument (we can) and if it would be alright for a woman to read Scripture on Sunday morning (it is) cause enough problems already. Are people even ready for something else when they can barely handle that?

"Just write about prophecy. That's what you're good at."

But it feels like nothing is worth saying unless I say what needs to be said... unless I contribute to the discussion.

And so everything is on pause... either until I say what's on my mind or justify prolonging the inevitable for another season. I've sat around the campfire and heard the rooster crow for five years. Is it time to join Jesus on the cross? And do I trust that resurrection really does come three days later?

And do I even post this?

Let's find the balance... or we can just send it, ya silly.