The Presumption of Reordering

some thoughts on deconstruction

If deconstruction is a bad word, then by the time this post is over, all of our swear jars will be full.

To one group of Christians, deconstruction means the beginning of the end of a person’s faith. To another group of Christians, deconstruction is their pathway to a living faith. And for some, it actually is the end of their faith.

But for me, deconstruction wasn’t part of my vocabulary until after I had already been through deconstruction (or was well on my way). I was aware of the word as a concept, but it hadn't taken off online just quite yet.

Instead, I was given what I believe to be a more healthy description of this process: order, disorder, and reorder.

This language came to me from a teaching I heard by Richard Rohr. I don’t remember if it was an audio, a video, or a book, but I came across it very early on in my journey in the fall of 2018.

The reason why I think this is more healthy than “deconstruction” is that there is always the presumption of reordering whereas deconstruction can be seen as a strictly negative term, even though to many (myself included) it isn’t.

What this language of order, disorder, and reorder did for me is gave me the freedom to enter into the disorder/ deconstruction while keeping in mind that there is something beautiful to reorder/ reconstruct down the road.

I had this idea that I was always working towards something.

And what is this something? Here’s eight somethings:

1. My love for God, Jesus, and the Spirit is greater than ever before.

2. I haven’t thought about being afraid of God in so long. Hell hasn’t crossed my mind as something I need to be worried about in years.

3. Even on the days when doubts arise or something happens that makes me feel off, I know in the back of my mind that God is always there for me despite my best efforts to run away.

4. My love for the Bible grows everyday. The joy of being invited into a never-ending dive into mystery has to be the greatest discovery I made. No longer is the Bible something to be conquered or tamed or dissected; it is a vast wilderness to explore, a holy ground where we meet the Word.

5. The particular methods and beliefs of a local congregation are far less important to me than the fruit they produce. If your community of faith produces the fruit of the Spirit, then I’m your biggest fan.

6. I feel like I actually have a relationship with the Triune God. I can’t say that I’ve heard a voice in the middle of the night, but I feel loved beyond belief.

7. The questions that used to mean a lot to me seem almost silly in light of the “overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God.”

8. I feel less need to convert other Christians to my views on the Bible, ecclesiology, or other aspects of the faith. Again, it’s all about the fruit.

Regardless of what language you use to describe your faith journey, what are positives you’ve discovered on this side, positives that may have shocked or surprised you? Please share below!

For me, much of my journey could be described in a passage from 1 Corinthians:

Now concerning food sacrificed to idols: we know that “all of us possess knowledge.” Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. Anyone who claims to know something does not yet have the necessary knowledge, but anyone who loves God is known by him. 1 Corinthians 8:1–3

I love this idea of only holding on to the necessary knowledge, which is love for God. It is much better to be loved by God than to know facts about God. I’ll take that any day, especially given how ignorant I am in comparison to the infinite.

Here’s a poem I wrote last week as I reflected on some of this. I write almost all of my poetry as a stream of consciousness exercise. The first line or thought will come to me, and I’ll just let my pencil go with little breaks or thought. I also only make minor edits if at all possible, so hopefully you can join me in my feelings as I composed this work. Sometimes I’ll change a word for consistencies sake or something, but I like them to stay as close to the original as possible.

Before writing this poem, I asked God to give me a message I needed in that moment. I don’t know how all of that works, but this is what came out:

Leave behind computer, pen, and quill.

Leave behind papyrus, skin, and stone.

Join me in the silence before the first word.

Join me in the timeless and unplaceable before “Let there be.”

Before time and space, light and dark, land and sea

Before flower and tree, sun and moon, beast, bird, and fish

There was love. That’s where you are. That’s where I AM.

Beyond words as Word. Beyond feelings as Feeling.

Rest in me as I rest in you.

This silence, this rest, this being is Love. It is where everything good lies, and it is that from which all good flows.

Meet me in the place you already are.

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When I learned that poetry didn’t have to rhyme, I knew I could write a poem anytime. It didn’t matter if it was profound or sublime; all that matters is that it's mine.

I’m sorry.

If you want to read about my journey, check out my book How a 25-Year-Old Learned He Wasn’t the Only One Going to Heaven.

If you want to buy it on Amazon, click here.

But if you want the eBook or want to listen to the abridged reading of it by me, then use the code EFPG while checking out here.